


Wanna Be (Your Baby)

by taegihyung



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 101, Broduce 101, M/M, Pan - Freeform, PanWink - Freeform, Produce 101 - Freeform, broduce, guanlin - Freeform, jihoon - Freeform, lai - Freeform, lai guanlin - Freeform, one - Freeform, park, park jihoon - Freeform, pd101, produce, wanna, wanna one - Freeform, wannable - Freeform, wannables, wink - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-18 14:53:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11876868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taegihyung/pseuds/taegihyung
Summary: In which Lai Guanlin has an unhealthy crush on his best friend Park Jihoon.





	Wanna Be (Your Baby)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!!! I recently got invited to Ao3 and I am so stoked to finally be able to write on here! I noticed the Panwink tag has been kinda dry lately, so I figured I should dedicate my first fic on this site to that adorable ship. Enjoy! :)

  "Yo, tell me when the teacher turns around," Jihoon whispered to Guanlin as he slipped his phone out of his pocket, eyes flashing down from the front of the class to read a box of text ending with heart emojis. Lots of heart emojis. Guanlin felt his stomach churn with the familiar feeling of jealousy, but he brushed it off and gave a small nod, reluctantly pulling his eyes away from Jihoon's phone and back to the teacher.

He couldn't pinpoint when exactly the endless texts Jihoon received from countless girls had started to bother him. Jihoon had always been very popular, with his cute laugh, warm eyes, and playful personality, it was hard not to want to be his friend.

Guanlin's mind flashes back to when they were little kids, he remembers every time he asked Jihoon to go to the park and play, they would end up getting swarmed by girls who would somehow convince Jihoon to go and play 'family' with them instead. Of course Guanlin never really thought anything of it—everyone loved Jihoon, it had always been that way, Guanlin recalls.

As the boys grew out of their pubescent tween selves and into more mature—but still very immature teens, the uncomfortable tug in Guanlin's gut and bitterness in his throat that rose up everytime Jihoon even interacted with a pretty girl became more and more apparent with each passing day.

But when Jihoon's first love dumped him and Guanlin felt unusual satisfaction instead of guilt that his best friend's heart had been broken, he knew he had hit rock bottom.

Lai Guanlin was in love with Park Jihoon.

Which didn't make sense, right?

Of course it didn't. Guanlin was a boy, after all, and everyone knew that boys didn't like other boys. It's like... the fact of life! So he bottled the thought of him and Jihoon ever being an item to the back of his mind, or at least he tried to.

The bell signalling the end of their class rang and Jihoon returned his phone to his pocket, slinging his bag over his shoulder. He turned to Guanlin with that award winning smile of his as the younger boy stuffed his Math binder into his backpack.

"Guess who has a date tonight," Jihoon said in a sing-song like voice.

Tug.

"Oh. We were supposed to hang out tonight though..." Guanlin said, staring at his friend with a gloomy expression.

"Ah, right," Jihoon said apologetically. "How about tomorrow, yeah?" When Guanlin didn't respond Jihoon pulled him into a side hug. Suddenly he was having trouble breathing, Jihoon is naturally a very clingy person, and don't get him wrong, Guanlin loves Jihoon's touch more than anything. But knowing he's not the person Jihoon wants to give all his affection to makes Guanlin go crazy. "Aw, don't be like this Guanlinnie. Maybe we could arrange a double date or something." Jihoon said in hopes of lightening the mood.

"No, it's fine," Guanlin said, pulling out of Jihoon's grasp.

"Seriously, I'm sure we could arrange something! Yeonsung-ah has lots of cute friends, i'll be able to hook you up with one of 'em in no time." He waved off Guanlin's weak protests, hand slipping into his pocket to pull out his phone. "Besides, when was the last time you've been on a date, huh?"

Guanlin shrugged. It really had been a long ass time, truth be told, but that wasn't something he wanted to admit to. "Jihoon hyung, I said it's fine. Just go enjoy your date with Yoojung."

"It's Yeonsung."

"Whatever! Besides, I was hoping to hang out with Daehwi hyung anyways." Guanlin lied.

"Ah ok." Jihoon sighed while scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. This was the first time Guanlin had ever lied to Jihoon, it felt horrible. The once warm eyed Jihoon was now filled with hurt, and it was all Guanlin's doing. He's never gonna forgive himself for this.

"Well then..."

"Yeah." They walked down the hallway in complete silence for a bit before Jihoon gently elbowed Guanlin.

"The offer's still open if you want, though."

"Hyung."

"Alright alright," Jihoon said with a light laugh. "Race you to Bio." Then they were off down the hallways, the squeaking of their sneakers against the floor echoing off the walls. 

\- • - • - • -

Guanlin didn't actually end up hanging out with Daehwi that night, since it was just an excuse to tell Jihoon so that he wouldn't look like a lonely loser (which, come to think of it, he kinda was). Meeting up with Daehwi probably would've done him some good though. Daehwi always knew how to make Guanlin smile, but he wasn't in the mood to socialize tonight.

He'd rather sulk in peace with a variety of snacks by his side, wrapped up like a spicy tuna roll in layers and layers of blankets, and watch television, which is exactly what he was doing. Guanlin mindlessly flicks threw the TV channels while procrastinating the large pile of homework that remained stuffed and untouched in his backpack. His parents were always out late working, so he wasn't too concerned about getting scolded by them.

A kdrama flicked on and Guanlin paused, engrossed in the people on screen as he stuffed a handful of gummy bears into his mouth. He didn't just watch kdrama's, according to Jihoon, he breathed it.

Before he knew it, five hours had passed, and Guanlin was downing his seventh can of diet cola. He was so focussed on the drama that he didn't hear the knocking at his door.

"Guanlin!" Guanlin blinked at the TV. Was he imagining Jihoon's muffled voice now? He thought to himself with embarrassment. He was just about the turn up the volume when he heard the knocking again.

"Lai Guanlin!"

Guanlin sprang up from his couch, ignoring his stiff joints from all that sitting as he glanced hurriedly at the wall clock. It was almost 11—what on earth was Jihoon doing here this late? He opened the door to reveal a slightly disheveled Jihoon, who was chewing nervously on his lip, hand raised and ready to knock again.

"Guanlin-ah."

"What are you doing here?" Guanlin asked, bemused. "I thought you had a date."

Jihoon avoided the question. "I thought you were going to hang out with Daehwi."

"He was busy," Guanlin shrugged, stepping aside to let Jihoon enter. "Wait, why'd you come here if you thought I was out with Daehwi hyung?"

Jihoon avoided the question again by acting like he didn't hear. "I tried calling." Jihoon said while kicking off his shoes and heading straight for the living room.

"I turned off my phone."

"I know."

They stared at each other and Guanlin suddenly noticed the foreign nervous energy flowing between them. Jihoon stood close enough that Guanlin could see each individual eyelash on his perfect face. His throat felt dry.

"It's late, but if anything, shouldn't you be at Yeonsung's place right about now?" He asked, semi-annoyed.

Jihoon sighed, and the mood dropped even more than it already had, if that was even possible. He turned away to shrug off his jacket, and Guanlin let out a breath he didn't realize he was even holding. "Something came up. She had to babysit or something."

"Oh. Sorry," Guanlin said, avoiding Jihoon's eyes. In reality, he didn't feel very sorry, he felt a spark of happiness that Jihoon decided to visit him after his date got cancelled. "Are you hungry?"

They ended up slouched against each other on the couch in the dark, a bag of flamin' hot cheetos open and pressed between them. Jihoon's leg was slung over Guanlin's beneath the fuzzy blanket that was tucked around them, and the simple contact made Guanlin feel safe. Jihoon said he was fine with watching whatever kdrama the younger boy had already begun—which was a shame, considering that Guanlin was having trouble focussing on the drama since Jihoon was now here with him.

His stomach twisted with fear and irresolution every time he would try to confess his feelings, so he decided to just try and enjoy this moment as it was. After all, Jihoon was his best friend—he was allowed to enjoy the warm weight of his body against his, wasn't he? They've known eachother for so long, they were practically brothers.

"Mmm, Guanlinnie," Jihoon murmured in his ear, breaking his train of thought. He sounded sleepy. "I'm glad I came here."

Guanlin felt a smile tug at his lips. "Me too, hyung."

"I have to tell you something," Jihoon sighed, stirring slightly. Guanlin waited, but Jihoon didn't continue.

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Yeonsung didn't actually cancel the date. I did." His voice sounded shaky.

"Oh." Guanlin's heart skipped a beat before picking up at a faster pace. Jihoon cancelled the date to be with him! But no—Guanlin scolded himself for letting his imagination run wild. Jihoon probably just felt guilty for forgetting their plans. That's all it was. That's all it could be. Right?

"Because I wanted to be with you." It was just a whisper, but Guanlin heard it loud and clear. Suddenly becoming aware of the situation they were in, and how close their bodies were, his breaths became shallow.

"I like to be with you too, Jihoon hyung." He managed, not sure if that's what he was supposed to say, because he'd never talked about anything remotely close to this with Jihoon before. Guanlin stayed frozen in place, not daring to turn his head to look at his best friend. Why did his face feel so hot? Even though they hadn't talked about their feelings before, Jihoon was always physically affectionate. Why should saying it out loud be any different?

Yet, the silence between them felt different, opposed to the comfortable silence they were used to. Guanlin was still trying to calm his irrational heart down—just thinking about being more than friends with Jihoon made him feel all warm and tingly inside. Why did this have to be so hard? Worst case senerio, Jihoon rejects him and their friendship is ruined forever. He groaned internally at the thought.

Guanlin fought back the sudden hysterical urge to laugh at how dumb this whole situation is. He never thought he could ever be this whipped for someone, especially a guy.

A few minutes trickled by, and Jihoon didn't say anything at all. Guanlin finally started to feel a bit more relaxed. He wondered if Jihoon had fallen asleep, so he glanced over, relieved to find his eyes closed.

"Ahh," Guanlin sighed out loud, feeling the last bit of tenseness disappear. "Jihoonie hyung. Why are things so complicated?" He laughed tiredly, pulling at the blanket so that it covered Jihoon fully even though half of his own leg was now uncovered.

Guanlin's eyes returned to the kdrama, but the lump in his throat was difficult to ignore. He swallowed once, twice. But it didn't go away. His focus found Jihoon's face yet again, the light from the tv illuminating the dark room, flickering against his smooth skin, and he abruptly felt the desire to feel his friend's lips against his. Tears welling up in his eyes, blurring his vision.

"Jihoonie hyung," he whispered, voice wavering, as he wiped his watery eyes with his sleeve. "I don't think I'm... What if I'm not." He swallowed. "Not... normal?"

Jihoon's slow breaths comforted him, and that encouraged him to continue, even though this may not be a good idea. But he needed to get his feelings out. He had to. He continued in a low, shaky voice. "It's just that... I might not... Like girls?" It came out as a question, and he felt his voice break as a tear slid down his cheek. "I'm sorry." Another tear. "I'm sorry." Another. "I think I like you, hyung. I'm-" A sob shook his body and he clenched, hand flying to his mouth to stifle his breathing. Jihoon didn't move, and Guanlin slowly let himself breathe again. He wept quietly into blanket the, shame, disgust, and grief leaking with each tear and staining the fabric. Yet, there was something relieving about it. His chest hurt but it didn't feel constricted anymore.

"I just," he hiccuped. "I just h-hope that. You don't stop loving me." He let out a shaky sigh. "Because I'm finding it hard to love myself right now. I'm comfused hyung. I'm-"

Suddenly fingers were wrapping around his wrist and Guanlin's eyes flung wide open as Jihoon pulled him into a tight hug, face tucked into his neck. Adrenaline pulsed through Guanlin's veins, ears heating up, palms all sweaty. A loud, ugly sob escaped from his mouth, and he felt Jihoon's arms tighten around him. He let himself break down into his friend's shoulder, and Jihoon didn't say a word, simply holding him and letting him cry it all out. It was only when Guanlin had run out of tears and his breath had begun to slow when he realized that his shoulder was also wet underneath Jihoon's face, and that his friend's body was trembling slightly.

"A-are you okay?" Guanlin murmured weakly, pulling back and wiping his eyes. Jihoon let him pull away, but his hands remained knotted in his shirt. His eyes looked puffy.

"I could never stop loving you," he said hoarsely, and a wobbly, forced smile appearing on his face. Guanlin felt his heart break as he watched tears glimmer in his best friend's eyes. "I'm not normal either. I... actually, I've liked you for a really long time, Guanlinnie." He said with a half smile. "I just assumed you were straight like everyone else, and I didn't wanna make you uncomfortable."

"Well... I'm glad you feel the same way." Guanlin mumbled. Jihoon laughed and then they were kissing and for the first time in a long time, Guanlin's heart felt free. The kiss was messy and wet, but when they broke apart, they were both smiling.

"You haven't had much practice, I see," Jihoon said dryly, but his badly repressed smile gave him away.

"Guess you'll have to teach me, huh." Guanlin said with a grin. His eyes stung and his head ached but he felt happier than he had in a really long time, and as Jihoon pulled him into another hug, he knew they'd be okay. "Promise me one thing, though."

"What?" Jihoon's breath tickled his ear.

"Don't reschedule your date with Yeonsung."

Jihoon gave a disbelieving laugh and a light smack to Guanlin's arm. "You really think I'd do that? You loser."

"Just promise!" Guanlin laughed.

Jihoon took his hand and intertwined their fingers, his smile suddenly shy. Guanlin felt like he was about to explode, but in a good way.

"I promise."

**Author's Note:**

> The End! This story was originally supposed to be a longer and multiple chaptered fic, but i'll save that for another time. I wrote this in a bit of a rush so please excuse my spelling errors if there are any. Also don't forget to leave kudos, comment any suggestions or feedback that you may have for me, and subscribe if you want to be notified whenever I post a new fic! Thanks for reading! :D


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